Tuesday, December 31, 2013

19 Days... and Counting

I am 19 days post surgery and things are going well. As of today I am down 28lbs. Everyday it gets a little easier. I think I underestimated how I would be feeling about food. I just seem to want it so badly. The most random things too. It is as though there is a conveyor belt in my brain and all the foods of my childhood as well as some favorites and NOT so favorites are passing through.  I can't explain it.  The social situations are, by far, the worst.  I skipped Christmas Eve and Day. I'm skipping NYE. I went to a baby shower this weekend and it was rough going. I know that I was doing that food eyeball thing that fat people do when they are trying NOT to eat.  (Fat person food eyeball is when an FP stares at food they are not eating with a longing that boarders on sexual) I will say that normally, I would just eat without thinking. I am finding that there is something to be said about NOT eating mindlessly. It's still hard.

Day 4 was not good. Here's what I jotted down.

4 days post surgery and I feel like I'm fucking tweaking. I'm thinking of the most random foods. It's like I'm going crazy. I'm not hungry, but I want to shovel food into my mother fucking mouth as fast as I can. What is wrong with me? I want to die right now.

Day 10 wasn't a great day either: 

I can't tell if its my head or what. I'm hungry. Maybe I haven't been drinking enough. I don't know. I'm so scared that the procedure didn't work. I had a dream last night that not only was I not loosing, but I was gaining weight.

Those were the worst days. I felt sick and I was mentally hungry. I am probably not helping the situation by watching The Food Network and The Cooking Channel as if it was porn. I can't seem to help it. 

Thankfully, I found Bariatric Pal, which is a WLS support forum.  That has been pretty helpful so far. Lots of people who are experiencing similar feelings.  

19 days in, and no real regrets. 

1 comment:

  1. We are all rooting for you April! Your parents, your friends. Let us know how we can help.