Well kids, April’s back. For how long I’m not sure. I won’t make promises I can’t keep.
Absolutely nothing new has been happening. Actually less than nothing has been going on. Went off my meds and back on again. I did start seeing a new therapist. Good looking out to a good new friend who turned me on to him. Therapy is important I think, and seems quite the New York thing to do. I’ve been in and out of therapy for years now, with varying degrees of success. Like most things in my life, I start and stop with an alarming regularity. That is, I usually stop when it gets to hard or uncomfortable. I’m hoping that I keep it up this time, because I know that I am in desperate need of help. And want nothing more than to stop living in the dark, bumping into things. [That’s what my life seems like to me] What I am hoping for this time is to come up with a plan of action. I want to find out why I do the things I do, and what I can do to change them.
This weekend I was supposed to go back to WW then spend the day at the library finishing up on some papers that are due this week. Epic, epic fail. What did I do instead? Well I met up with TG (That Guy) and spent the day in bed with him. As usual, it was great till it was awful. One day, I will get it in my head that this man is not the man for me and that spending days with him in bed, will never be the answer. It WAS nice though.
So why am I back? Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I told my therapist about my blog. Why? Well, it stated off by me recounting a story about my cousin/sister who was a big track star while she was in HS and how it still bothered her that they never when to any of her games or meets. Which brought up for me that my parents never read anything I wrote when I was in HS. (I wrote for the paper and the yearbook) I then went on to tell him that I keep a half hearted blog under a pseudonym and that back when people had myspace pages, I kept one on myspace. I further explained that I started a new one, so that I my friends and family wouldn’t be able to follow. He then asked the address of my little blog. All of this propelled me to re read my entries and post this one.
There it is.