Monday, December 21, 2009

Back in the saddle again...

I am wondering why I am feeling so tired that it hurts today! Oy… We had a huge snow storm this weekend. Remember when snow was fun? Remember when you looked forward to it? Yeah, looks as though those days are gone for me. New York City is a great place to live. I wouldn’t live any where else. We have exact 12 hours of the beautiful stuff. It’s gorgeous coming down, and makes the city seem like a magical place. The NEXT day, it’s a hot mess. The beautiful snow is trudged on, and turns into a dirty slushy mess!

I am reporting that I went BACK to WW this Saturday. Why would I do this so close to the Christmas? Why not just wait for the New Year and make that my resolution? Here is the thing, I just decided that I could not, once again, do that same clichéd act and make loosing weight my new year’s resolution. I can’t be in the crowded room again. I know that I might not loose a whole lot of weight, but I can promise myself that I will be more aware of what I am eating this week.

How successful I am this time around depends on me. I have to be super dedicated to this. I’m not quite ready to share how much I weigh, but it’s up there and its scary. Its hard to not think of the big (ha!) picture. That is, how many lbs I have to lose. It’s so overwhelming. I am actually in place where I have to loose half my body weight. God help me.

Like I said the other day, I shared my little blog with my Shrink. I wondered what he would think. Did he even read it? Did he think it was well written? Did he read all the entries? That’s my main thing with this blog. While yes, I started this and am doing this for myself, I am concerned about what people think of it. I struggle a lot with worrying about what people think. When I was writing on myspace, I feel like my blogs were funnier, more interesting somehow. I’m a little frustrated, that I am not feeling so inspired to write. Along that same thought, I’m thinking that I would like very much to take some kind of creative writing class. I’m trying to find something to cultivate or at least determine if there is any talent there. Anyway, when I saw him for our latest session, he thanked me for sharing it with him. He said it was painful. Painful. Painful? So now I’m wondering, what’s painful? Was it painful to read? (Cause it sucks?) I write what I write (when I write) as an outlet. Just to get it out. I’m not trying to be deep or express any kind of pain. I wonder if it’s coming across as whiney. I have to ask him.

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