Less of April...

I am 19 days post surgery and things are going well. As of today I am down 28lbs. Everyday it gets a little easier. I think I underestimated how I would be feeling about food. I just seem to want it so badly. The most random things too. It is as though there is a conveyor belt in my brain and all the foods of my childhood as well as some favorites and NOT so favorites are passing through.  I can't explain it.  The social situations are, by far, the worst.  I skipped Christmas Eve and Day. I'm skipping NYE. I went to a baby shower this weekend and it was rough going. I know that I was doing that food eyeball thing that fat people do when they are trying NOT to eat.  (Fat person food eyeball is when an FP stares at food they are not eating with a longing that boarders on sexual) I will say that normally, I would just eat without thinking. I am finding that there is something to be said about NOT eating mindlessly. It's still hard. Day 4 was not good. Here's what I j...

"I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined. I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned. Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window . Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find. Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it! Release your inhibitions feel the rain on your skin! No one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in. No one else, no one else, can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open! Today is where your book begins…the rest is still unwritten." –Unwritten, Natasha Beniningfield The moment that I saw the guy in the lobby, I knew we were going to the same place. He knew it too. I could tell by the way he looked at me, the way he did the half smile and then looked away. He was an ok looking sort of guy, definitely handsome, in the same way that I "have such a pretty face".  Sure enoug...