Sunday, August 21, 2011

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. (I show not your face but your heart's desire)

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Can't you show me tall and slim? Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Must I look so bloody grim? Mirror, mirror, on the wall, You're distorting my poor waist! Mirror, mirror, on the wall, And why the heck am I defaced? Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Why have I a double chin? Mirror, mirror, on the wall, And what's the stupid, goofy grin? Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Pointless asking ‘Who’s the fairest? – More bloody likely, 'Who’s the queerest? Now look, I paid a big bucks for thee, So why can’t you be nice to me? Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who’s the fairest of them all? Me, you say? Ah, that's better – Mirror, mirror, bloody fibber! –Mirror Mirror Bloody Fibber, by Mark Slaughter

Just a short post or maybe just a random musing. (That’s what most posts are aren’t they?) Anyway I’m in a weird mood, sort of contemplative. A little blue even. Lately, I find myself in a place of longing… I’ve said this before and I will say this till I’m done with Project me. I need everything in my life to be different. I want to see something better when I look at myself in the mirror. I was close my eyes at night and feel satisfaction. Right now I have no satisfaction. My mind races every night. I think of all the things that I want. I think of all the things that I still need to do. I don’t just mean the dry cleaning, though I think of that as well, but I mean ALL the things. Figure out this weight loss thing, thinking of ways to get through my education faster.

The other day I started to reread (yes reread—sometimes I pick up books that I love—and I love Harry Potter, I promise to discuss that later—open them up to a random page and start reading. WHAT?) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone. Anyway Harry comes across a mirror, the Mirror of Erised. The Mirror of Erised (Which if you noticed is desire spelled backwards) is a magic mirror, which shows the deepest and most desperate desire of ones heart. The happiest person in the world would look in the mirror and see a reflection of exactly the way he or she is. As Harry has no real family to speak of, he sees himself surrounded by family---his parents in particular. His friend Ron sees himself being the star of his life. Dumbledore says he sees himself holding warm socks. He’s lying of course… but you get what I mean.

I wonder, what I would see if I had the mirror of Erised? If I let myself, I can imagine what I would see. I think I would see myself, fit, healthy and pretty. I’d have a husband by side, baby at my hip and a toddler running laps around us. Out of anything that I could wish for, I wish for that. Sure I have crazy things that run through my head. Like what? Lots of things. I would have loved to live in a kibbutz, visited an ashram, learned how to drive a racecar and then some. However, at the end of the day, what I really want is good health, a man who loves me, and kids who call me momma.

Alas, I have no mirror, and no access to magic. It’s just me who needs to figure out way to keep working harder so that good things will happen for me.

Accio the desired life…

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