Shame on me...

No song for this post...

Sometimes I do things or say things and as soon as I’ve done them or said them I think about it and regret it instantly.

This weekend, while out to dinner with a friend, I noticed our waitress. She sort of reminded me of the type of guy I like. (She really did) so, thinking I was being cute, I texted a friend of mine—a lesbian—and said I think I have girl crush on my waitress. Ha Ha. Right? Wrong. The next day she, rightfully, lit into me. And I deserve it. I’m not a Lesbian. It was just a joke to me. But it’s not funny… it’s someone’s life. Being Gay or Lesbian, is often a struggle for people. I shouldn’t be making a joke of it. Shame on me. Speaking up for the rights of Gays and Lesbians is a choice for me. Not a choice for them. I ought to know better.

I love NYC. However, NYC is not for everyone. Too many people have a hard time here. Few weeks ago I saw Russell Simmons on the street. He was riding in the back seat of car so exclusive and posh, that I had never seen it before. Few days after that I saw Spike Lee also looking very rich and comfortable in his Escalade. I think the week before I had seen Joan Rivers riding in the back seat of a Mercedes. This is not a disparagement about them. Those were just my most recent rich folk sightings. And it speaks to the vast differences between the very wealthy and very poor. I see a ton of wealthy people every day. I also see regular working stiffs, such as myself, and too often I see homeless people and panhandlers. It’s gotten so that I see them but don’t even SEE them anymore. They are just a part of the fabric of the landscape. They make up a part of the city. Good bad and ugly.

Today, someone sent me a link to a video of a homeless woman bathing herself on a subway car. The shock of it was something. She was really going in, if you know what I mean. And first I was just shocked. And then I was in hysterics. And then I started thinking about it. What kind of world do we live in, where that is even happening? NYC is undoubtedly one of the richest cities in the world. Yet this woman, who is homeless and likely disturbed, but somehow has it in her to wish for cleanliness, is forced to do it in public. Someone emailed it to me, I in turn emailed it to other people. And now, I’m ashamed of myself. It’s NOT funny. It’s the worst type of fucked up there is. I consider myself to be a champion for those people who don’t have a voice. And I did something like that? How old am I? What was I thinking?

I pride myself of being fair and open-minded---all that good stuff. And I think that I am. Just every now and then I do something really dumb and insensitive and it makes me wonder where all my good sense has gone.