Friday, December 31, 2010

Fathers be good to your daughters

Fathers be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers. So mothers be good to your daughters too. Oh you see that skin, it's the same she's been standing in. Since the day, she saw him walking away. Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made...On behalf of every man looking out for every girl. You are the god and the weight of the world. So fathers be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers. So mothers be good to your daughters too. -John Mayer

Profound words from Sharon Stone? Surprisingly yes. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m home. Making cookies and watching Extra!, something that I never ever watch. Sharon Stone being interviewed by Mario Lopez and she was talking about her father, about how great he was. She mentioned a lot of things, most of them about the way her father treated her. The kind things he did, the caring things he did. What struck me about what she was saying was: The way you treat your daughter will determine that type of man that she chooses. Ok, I need you stay with me; I promise this will all connect. I watched a documentary, Pimps up, Hos down. (Seriously, stay with me, it will make sense in a second) A pimp is asked the question, “What makes a good ho?” Pimp is thinking and thinking and he finally says, that the best ho’s are girls with low self-esteem. He goes on to say that someone whose father, uncle etc has hurt her in some way, sexual abuse etc. Those are the “best” ho’s. Clearly the lesson in this is exactly what Stone says. The way that the father figure treats girls affect their relationships with men.

Now, I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was in my mid-twenties, and I watch Oprah. This is hardly earth shattering news to me. I know that I have I known this for quite some time. However, this really stuck me. My father, while he was a good provider (I can honestly say that I lacked for nothing) he was just absent. In the picture, yet somehow out of it. I want to be fair, he taught me how to ride a bike. I wouldn’t have learned without him. But other than that? And I’m really trying hard think, he wasn’t the nurturing type. He just wasn’t. He loved me, and still does, but he just couldn’t be bothered. And I can’t say that he really knows me.

I grew up watching my parents interacting with each other. And I on some level I think I knew it was toxic, but when you are kid, you just accept things as they come. They fought a lot. He wasn’t a gentlemen, he didn’t open doors, hold my mother’s hand, or give her gifts.

I have dated piece of shit guys for as long as I could remember. None of them have treated me the way I wanted. And it has been sad. It’s been sad because I have truly loved these men. Each one more than the last. But I have been afraid of being alone, being rejected so I never said anything. I never made demands. And I have suffered because of it.

There are so many things that I want for myself in 2011. Like what?

I want to:
Loose weight. (Serious, major weight);
Get better at seeing projects through;
Not give up on things;
Move out of my parents place
Become a better student.

More than anything, though, I want to learn how to tell people how I want to be treated. I want to command respect.

Wishing all us, happiness, love, respect, good health and success in 2011.

1 comment:

  1. I have issues because of my dad. To this day. But thankfully, the best lesson I learned from him was I'd rather be alone forever than be with someone who hurt me. I've been in a lot of relationships with crappy men, but they never lasted more than a few weeks. I married the polar opposite of my toxic father. My husband is good.

    And since you like song themes, the best song to describe what I got is Carrie Underwood's "Mama's Song." My mom has actually told me that she's relieved that she doesn't have to worry about me like that anymore because I have W.