Soooo yeah... I suck

Not than any one is paying attention. That was not the point of this exercise.  But I feel like such the looser. No blogging. No journaling. No WW-ing. No nothing. Just me. Eating. Why? I honestly think that I'm hungry. I mean I feel like eating so that's what I've been doing.  Eating. Eating anything. Everything. All the time. I think about food often. Sigh.  

I took some time alone the other day and wrote down some thoughts... which I would share, if I weren’t such a disorganized mess.

Basically, I'm thinking of getting lap band surgery. I feel as though I am at an impasse. I want o loose weight but I can't seem to get it together long enough to make it happen.  I have an appointment at a LBS clinic this coming week and I am going to go.  I've made this appointment in the past and have bailed out.   This time, promising my self that I am going to go and at least hear what they have to say.  I don't HAVE to DO anything. I just have to listen.  

I did have a NSV (non scale victory) this week. I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for 25 mins.  I then attempted to do the bike, but that shit is not comfortable. I couldn't get the seat right... that lasted oh about 3 mins.  

Have I shared that I am starting to feel like people are staring at me? Yeah, I think people are staring at me. I think that I am officially THAT fat person. The one that people hope don't sit next to them on the bus, train or plane.  I'm that person that people see eating ice cream and shake their heads and think... is she fucking kidding? She has no business eating that.  I suppose they are right.  

I’m also that woman that men DON’T look at. They look right through, over, under, around and or past  me.   Like I don’t even exist. I don’t know how this is possible, but I am now too fat to even been seen.

I wish that being embarrassed was a good enough reason that would propel me into weight loss. It’s not. 

I wish that loneliness were a good enough reason to propel me into weight loss. It’s not.

What is a good enough reason that will propel me into weight loss…

So do I go to WW tomorrow or not?  I'll let you know.