Auld Lang Syne 01.01.13

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind ? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old lang syne ? For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne. And surely you’ll buy your pint cup ! and surely I’ll buy mine ! And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne. We two have run about the slopes, and picked the daisies fine ;But we’ve wandered many a weary foot, since auld lang syne. We two have paddled in the stream,from morning sun till dine; But seas between us broad have roared since auld lang syne. And there’s a hand my trusty friend ! And give us a hand o’ thine! And we’ll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.- Americanized version of Auld Lang Syne

I’ve never quite understood what that songs means. I googled of course, and apparently it could mean for the sake of old times. Ok well, since I don’t really know, I’ll just buy that for now. Whatever it means, it just always sounded so sad to me. Almost as if there is a longing behind it.  

Perhaps I am hearing that there is some conflict. Maybe the writer is conflicted about being comfortable with the way things used to or always have been. He or She, understand the old ways, the old habits the old friends.  She wonders if she really needs to forget them for new?  He wonders if he can make the changes that he needs do. What happens if those changes happen?  If so, then I totally understand the conflict.  I am conflicted all the time. I want, need and desire big change in my life. I want, need and desire big changes in the world I live in. Not just my little corner, but generally. I am sick over what is happening in this country—violence, anger, apathy and meanness.  It would be nice if we could get through this year without a mass shooting. It would be nice if there could be a year without such hate and venom.  I haven’t decided what if anything I can do about that. I suppose I could just do my best to put out positive energy and hope for the best. Seems weak though, I’m going to have to think about that one. 

I may not be able to do anything about the world however I know that I have the power to change how I live.  If there is something I don’t like about my life, I can change it. But I have to make the effort. That’s where I fall short. While the desire is there, the effort is not in line with that desire.  Every single year I say, THIS IS IT! THIS YEAR IS THE YEAR OF CHANGE.  Guess what happens? Not much. Some things change for a short amount of time then I go back to my old habits, which inevitably depress me.  Frankly, it is bordering on pathetic.  

The thing is though, that I want to change many things about my life and they way I live it. The start of the new year always seems like a good time. It is the Monday to end all Mondays.  I’ve heard lots of people talking about how January 1 is the first page of a 365 page notebook. I like that idea. Remember how we all loved the first day of school? The notebook was clean and fresh. The pencils were sharp, the crayons were new and pristine?  

I always want to change so many things. My weight, my relationship status, my work, school, how I deal with money etc.  I usually find all of those things overwhelming and nothing happens.  Tough shit. I need to change all those things. Might as well start now. 1 down. 364 more to go.