Less of April...

--> “Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes. Ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strange).   Look out you Rock'n' rollers.   Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes.   Ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strange) Pretty soon now you're gonna get older.   Time may change me.   But I can't trace time I said that time may change me.   But I can't trace time”. –Changes David Bowie As always I’m thinking about change, thought I’d give a little nod to our dearly departed Bowie.   We’ve lost too many of the good ones this year. Have I said how much weight loss surgery has changed my life?   Let me say it now. Weight loss surgery has changed my life.   No regrets. NONE.   However, it is not an easy road and there are definite pros and cons. I was a big girl.   300lbs big and when I look back on the photos of myself it’s almost shocking to see how big I was.   When people who know me look at photos of me, they always say “I didn’t know you that big”. ...

She's got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories. Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky. Now and then when I see her face She takes me away to that special place. And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry. Whoa, oh, oh, sweet child o' mine. Whoa, oh, oh, oh, sweet love of mine. – “Sweet Child of Mine” Guns n’ Roses I've been thinking a lot recently about that fact that I am not a mother. It's got me feeling... A WAY.  It's something that crops up every now and again. This last bout of motherhood on the brain (I think about this a lot) reminded me of something I wrote a while back, but didn’t post. Last year, or ma ybe even the year before, Jennifer Aniston appeared on Carson Daily. During the interview, she discussed how people always want to know when she’s getting married or when she’s having children.   She expressed some frustration that the perception is that her value as a w...

“I'm movin' on , at last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me and I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by a nd I have made up my mind that those days are gone”. – “I’m moving on” Rascal Flatts I did it.   After countless starts, stops, fumbles, frustrated moments, times of abject disgust and despair, I finally walked across the stage and received my undergraduate degree in Sociology (Cha-ching! I foresee big bucks in my future).   Although I know it's not a measure of my intelligence, NOT having a degree made me feel inferior and less than.   What’s worse is that people take this condescending tone when they realize that a person of a certain age is working towards their undergraduate degree.   Here’s how the conversation usually goes once they’ve realized I’m “in school”: Random Person:   Oh you’re in school? That’s great! What are you doing? April:...

I'm on the edge of glory and I'm hangin' on a moment of truth. Out on the edge of glory and I'm hangin' on a moment with you. I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge. I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hangin' on a moment with you. I'm on the edge with you. – Edge of Glory, Lady Gaga My boyfriend has a 15-year-old daughter.   She really is a good kid. I like her, she likes me and we get along. My relationship with him would NOT be successful if she and I didn’t like each other, so the fact that we get along is a blessing.   Sure, there are few things that concern me; I’ve shared them before. 1.      Her hygiene is disgraceful, truly.   I don’t get it. 2.      She has this weird block on her race. She refuses to identify as a person of color. She’s got a Black dad and a Latina mom.   At MOST she’s is biracial.   At some point these things are going to be issues for...

With arms wide open Under the sunlight. Welcome to this place. I'll show you everything. With arms wide open. Now everything has changed. I'll show you love. I'll show you everything. With arms wide open. With arms wide open. –“Arms Wide Open” Creed I do not have children. I will never have children. This is not to say that I would not have liked to be a mother. I would. I just think that it I was meant to have one, I would have had it by now. I suppose at 43, I am still physically able to have a child or that I could adopt one. However, the older I get, the less I feel as though it’s something I want to do. Physically—let’s face it, I’ve had WLS and am planning on having extensive plastic surgery.   My obesity was like a noose around my neck, and I can’t run the risk of ever being like that again. Fear—I hate myself for saying this. There is a part of me is that is really fearful of having a special needs child. I know that young women have special needs kids...

*We’re still listening to Prince and Sheena* This issue of extreme artifice in women really has had me thinking. The issue of hair deserves its own space. Hence part, II. The issue of natural hair vs. processed hair is polarizing in the Black community. I will admit to being shocked/sad/irritated/disappointed when I see Black women whose hair is relaxed. It almost seems like smoking. Oh you still do that? Really? Insert confused face here. I don't mean to suggest black women who relax their hair or rock fake hair don't like being black. However… What DOES it mean when you can't look at yourself with the hair that grows from your head? What does it mean that you can't appreciate how fun and interesting your hair is? Full disclosure--- while my hair is "natural" I am currently blondish (hurtling at warp speed towards grey) which is decidedly unnatural. Mind you, I am sassy as hell, but decidedly unnatural. I had a conversation with one of my cousins about ...

  --> Look here...You got the look (you got the look).You must'a took (you must'a took) A whole hour just to make up your face, baby. Closin' time, ugly lights, everybody's inspected (Everybody's inspected). But you are a natural beauty unaffected (Unaffected). Did I say an hour? My face is red, I stand corrected (I stand corrected). You've got the look. You've got the hook. You sho'nuf do be cookin' in my book. Your face is jammin'. Your body's heck-a-slammin'.  If love is good. Let's get to rammin'- "You got the look"- Prince As my body has been changing I’ve been trying to figure out, not only, what my look is but also what makes me feel comfortable and pretty. What kind of clothes do I like? What should my hair look like? What’s my make up routine? I’ve spent or spend a lot of time thinking about that sort of thing. In the past I always felt relegated to a certain look. Now that I’m freer...