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Bikini Bottom...

For lots of reasons, all of them financial--we decided not to go away this summer. Knowing that we’d have stay local, we opted to get a county beach pass so that we could enjoy what the summer had to offer. I’m glad to say that we’ve been putting good use it, by going to the beach pretty much every weekend.   Every time I go to the beach I take in the women, all shapes and sizes, wearing 2 piece suits. Good for them—I wish I had had that confidence prior to my WLS.   Until this past March hadn’t worn a 2 piece since I was 7. I had wanted one so badly and my favorite aunt bought me one. I remember how excited I was to wear it and how my mom ruined it for me. “You can’t wear that—that’s for small girls, you’re much to big for that!” etc.   Even after I lost the majority of my weight, but pre any plastics, she suggested a burkini ! She was DEAD serious. “You don’t want to be seen… like THAT”.   That stayed with me forever, I can’t tell you
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Turn and face the change...

--> “Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes. Ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strange).   Look out you Rock'n' rollers.   Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes.   Ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strange) Pretty soon now you're gonna get older.   Time may change me.   But I can't trace time I said that time may change me.   But I can't trace time”. –Changes David Bowie As always I’m thinking about change, thought I’d give a little nod to our dearly departed Bowie.   We’ve lost too many of the good ones this year. Have I said how much weight loss surgery has changed my life?   Let me say it now. Weight loss surgery has changed my life.   No regrets. NONE.   However, it is not an easy road and there are definite pros and cons. I was a big girl.   300lbs big and when I look back on the photos of myself it’s almost shocking to see how big I was.   When people who know me look at photos of me, they always say “I didn’t know you that big”.   Errr yeah you did.   We were friends, f
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Sweet Child of Mine...

She's got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories. Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky. Now and then when I see her face She takes me away to that special place. And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry. Whoa, oh, oh, sweet child o' mine. Whoa, oh, oh, oh, sweet love of mine. – “Sweet Child of Mine” Guns n’ Roses I've been thinking a lot recently about that fact that I am not a mother. It's got me feeling... A WAY.  It's something that crops up every now and again. This last bout of motherhood on the brain (I think about this a lot) reminded me of something I wrote a while back, but didn’t post. Last year, or ma ybe even the year before, Jennifer Aniston appeared on Carson Daily. During the interview, she discussed how people always want to know when she’s getting married or when she’s having children.   She expressed some frustration that the perception is that her value as a w
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Movin' on...

“I'm movin' on , at last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me and I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by a nd I have made up my mind that those days are gone”. – “I’m moving on” Rascal Flatts I did it.   After countless starts, stops, fumbles, frustrated moments, times of abject disgust and despair, I finally walked across the stage and received my undergraduate degree in Sociology (Cha-ching! I foresee big bucks in my future).   Although I know it's not a measure of my intelligence, NOT having a degree made me feel inferior and less than.   What’s worse is that people take this condescending tone when they realize that a person of a certain age is working towards their undergraduate degree.   Here’s how the conversation usually goes once they’ve realized I’m “in school”: Random Person:   Oh you’re in school? That’s great! What are you doing? April:
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Navigating adolescence

I'm on the edge of glory and I'm hangin' on a moment of truth. Out on the edge of glory and I'm hangin' on a moment with you. I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge. I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hangin' on a moment with you. I'm on the edge with you. – Edge of Glory, Lady Gaga My boyfriend has a 15-year-old daughter.   She really is a good kid. I like her, she likes me and we get along. My relationship with him would NOT be successful if she and I didn’t like each other, so the fact that we get along is a blessing.   Sure, there are few things that concern me; I’ve shared them before. 1.      Her hygiene is disgraceful, truly.   I don’t get it. 2.      She has this weird block on her race. She refuses to identify as a person of color. She’s got a Black dad and a Latina mom.   At MOST she’s is biracial.   At some point these things are going to be issues for her, the writing is on
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Arms Wide Open...

With arms wide open Under the sunlight. Welcome to this place. I'll show you everything. With arms wide open. Now everything has changed. I'll show you love. I'll show you everything. With arms wide open. With arms wide open. –“Arms Wide Open” Creed I do not have children. I will never have children. This is not to say that I would not have liked to be a mother. I would. I just think that it I was meant to have one, I would have had it by now. I suppose at 43, I am still physically able to have a child or that I could adopt one. However, the older I get, the less I feel as though it’s something I want to do. Physically—let’s face it, I’ve had WLS and am planning on having extensive plastic surgery.   My obesity was like a noose around my neck, and I can’t run the risk of ever being like that again. Fear—I hate myself for saying this. There is a part of me is that is really fearful of having a special needs child. I know that young women have special needs kids
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