Less of April...

“I'm movin' on , at last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me and I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by a nd I have made up my mind that those days are gone”. – “I’m moving on” Rascal Flatts I did it.   After countless starts, stops, fumbles, frustrated moments, times of abject disgust and despair, I finally walked across the stage and received my undergraduate degree in Sociology (Cha-ching! I foresee big bucks in my future).   Although I know it's not a measure of my intelligence, NOT having a degree made me feel inferior and less than.   What’s worse is that people take this condescending tone when they realize that a person of a certain age is working towards their undergraduate degree.   Here’s how the conversation usually goes once they’ve realized I’m “in school”: Random Person:   Oh you’re in school? That’s great! What are you doing? April:...

I'm on the edge of glory and I'm hangin' on a moment of truth. Out on the edge of glory and I'm hangin' on a moment with you. I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge. I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hangin' on a moment with you. I'm on the edge with you. – Edge of Glory, Lady Gaga My boyfriend has a 15-year-old daughter.   She really is a good kid. I like her, she likes me and we get along. My relationship with him would NOT be successful if she and I didn’t like each other, so the fact that we get along is a blessing.   Sure, there are few things that concern me; I’ve shared them before. 1.      Her hygiene is disgraceful, truly.   I don’t get it. 2.      She has this weird block on her race. She refuses to identify as a person of color. She’s got a Black dad and a Latina mom.   At MOST she’s is biracial.   At some point these things are going to be issues for...

With arms wide open Under the sunlight. Welcome to this place. I'll show you everything. With arms wide open. Now everything has changed. I'll show you love. I'll show you everything. With arms wide open. With arms wide open. –“Arms Wide Open” Creed I do not have children. I will never have children. This is not to say that I would not have liked to be a mother. I would. I just think that it I was meant to have one, I would have had it by now. I suppose at 43, I am still physically able to have a child or that I could adopt one. However, the older I get, the less I feel as though it’s something I want to do. Physically—let’s face it, I’ve had WLS and am planning on having extensive plastic surgery.   My obesity was like a noose around my neck, and I can’t run the risk of ever being like that again. Fear—I hate myself for saying this. There is a part of me is that is really fearful of having a special needs child. I know that young women have special needs kids...

*We’re still listening to Prince and Sheena* This issue of extreme artifice in women really has had me thinking. The issue of hair deserves its own space. Hence part, II. The issue of natural hair vs. processed hair is polarizing in the Black community. I will admit to being shocked/sad/irritated/disappointed when I see Black women whose hair is relaxed. It almost seems like smoking. Oh you still do that? Really? Insert confused face here. I don't mean to suggest black women who relax their hair or rock fake hair don't like being black. However… What DOES it mean when you can't look at yourself with the hair that grows from your head? What does it mean that you can't appreciate how fun and interesting your hair is? Full disclosure--- while my hair is "natural" I am currently blondish (hurtling at warp speed towards grey) which is decidedly unnatural. Mind you, I am sassy as hell, but decidedly unnatural. I had a conversation with one of my cousins about ...

  --> Look here...You got the look (you got the look).You must'a took (you must'a took) A whole hour just to make up your face, baby. Closin' time, ugly lights, everybody's inspected (Everybody's inspected). But you are a natural beauty unaffected (Unaffected). Did I say an hour? My face is red, I stand corrected (I stand corrected). You've got the look. You've got the hook. You sho'nuf do be cookin' in my book. Your face is jammin'. Your body's heck-a-slammin'.  If love is good. Let's get to rammin'- "You got the look"- Prince As my body has been changing I’ve been trying to figure out, not only, what my look is but also what makes me feel comfortable and pretty. What kind of clothes do I like? What should my hair look like? What’s my make up routine? I’ve spent or spend a lot of time thinking about that sort of thing. In the past I always felt relegated to a certain look. Now that I’m freer...

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady Men's shirts, short skirts Oh, oh, oh really go wild yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh get in the action, feel the attraction Color my hair, doing my nails Oh, oh, oh I want to be free, do you what I dar Man! I feel like a woman! -Shania Twain I’ll admit it.   I am kind of high maintenance.   Not as high as some, but I do put in some work and though into the way that I look.   The older I get the more I think I need it---little gloss makes me feel womanly.   Let’s face it none of us are 20 anymore.   It takes work to feel as though I am looking my best.   When I’m home it’s not a big deal---I have all my stuff at my disposal.   However, when traveling it can become a bit of a hassle. I’ve got lotions, creams, and hair product and make up. I also am a woman who believes in costume changes and I tend to over pack.   It never fails, I go on vacation, over estimate what I need and end up no...

…Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
. Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
 through the middle of my soul. 

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
 and a freight train running through the
 middle of my head. 
Only you can cool my desire, 
I'm on fire… “I’m On Fire”- Bruce Springsteen Recently I had a conversation with an old high school friend of mine. It’s really interesting when you look at someone whose life you think you wished you had---but then you talk to them about their life and you realize that but for certain circumstances, we all walk a similar path. I am not married. Never been married. I have no children. I don’t own a home. I have always wished for marriage, children and home ownership. I feel sad and less than that I don’t have those things. That’s what we’re supposed to have right? Those are goals we’re supposed to strive for, right? My girlfriend has been married for 16 years. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. She has a gor...