Less of April...

“Don’t think that being fat means you deserve less of anything. For years, I believed that carrying around a few extra pounds meant I wasn’t entitled to fulfilling friendships, romantic love, emotional complexities, or even my own opinion. As a fat girl, I thought I had to settle. I didn’t speak up when I knew the answer in class. I didn’t ask for what I wanted in any area of my life. What a waste. Don’t wait to start your life until you get skinny. Someday you’ll look back on those excuses, whether you’re skinny or not, and realize it wasn’t your weight that held you back, it was cowardice. It makes just as much sense to say, “I’ll apply for my dream job when I lose 10 pounds” as it does to say, “I’ll apply for my dream job when I grow three inches taller.” Stop hiding behind your body. Figure out what you want, and go get it.” - Author unknown I’m not sure where I found this.   I must read it somewhere and printed it out. I rediscovered it recently and when I read this ag...

So I’ve been around, just actually really busy with work and school.   I’m NOT a good multi-tasker.   As far as how I’ve been doing…meh not so good. Not straight up awful, but if I am to be truthful, I have not been nearly as good as I should or could be.   Believe me when I say, I am working on it each and every day.   But I stumble a lot.   I refuse to give up though.   Apparently our good friend and ring leader Allan , proposed an exercise, he called FMT, or Friend making Tuesday. I know its Thursday, but you’ll be ok. Just read along happily.   We’re to post the following questions as well as the answers on our blogs.   This is all in the name of learning more about each other so I am all in.     1) I am how many years old, weigh this much, and aspire to weigh this much.... I’m 40; trust me when I tell you, that I think “40” sounds crazy to me. How am I 40? Shouldn't I feel different? Older more mature? I don't. But yeah, ...

Day 11 That’s it? Day 11? WTF? I haven’t been doing this long enough to get my rhythm right much less be sick of it. But here I am sick of it already. Sick of the weighing AND the measuring. Sick of peeing constantly. Sick of my dry hands and cuticles because of all the hand washing, you know, because of the peeing. I do not want a salad with grilled chicken for lunch. I want a grilled cheese sandwich from the amazing Gorilla Cheese food truck. I work at a University and there are food trucks ALL OVER, each one better than the next. This week has not been so good, no binges, but just not as careful as I should be. Just not as careful as I have been. I’ve hardly had any water. The thing is we haven’t been doing this very long. Just about 3 weeks. I haven’t weighed myself this week, but there was a brownie incident on Monday. I ate one.   The thing that kills me is that, after 2 bites, I didn’t want it anymore. So why then, did I shovel it down? I can’t help but feel like i...

Today is Day 8/Week 2 Next week I’m taking my car, Blanche, to the shop for general maintenance. While there I’ll have good old Blanche detailed etc.   This weekend I decided that I should do a little pre cleaning before handing it over to the guys.   You never know what you leave in your car and I don’t want to embarrass myself. I found the usual change, receipts and random umbrella. I also found a few magazines with articles I had been meaning to tear out, but hadn’t.   Most importantly embarrassingly, I found countless McDonald’s ice cream cone wrappers.   Since May or so, I have been going to the Mickey D’s drive through, sometimes as often as twice a day, and “treating myself” to a vanilla cone. I don’t normally get the burgers although I found a few receipts saying that I have.   I don’t know why I love them so much, but I just do. First and second they are tasty and cheap. Thirdly, and I know that I am fooling myself by saying this, but they are...

I wonder what it is about being on a diet that makes you crave things you haven’t eaten in while.   Yesterday I thought about cake, a lot. Mind you I am not a cake eater per se, but there I was thinking about cake. Oh the brain of a compulsive food addict is something to behold.  My day yesterday was pretty good. I stayed on the plan, ate what I was supposed to etc…until last night at around 9 pm I had a spoonful of peanut butter. FUCK!   It’s the weirdest thing. I don’t have any “bad” foods at home. I got rid of everything. But last night, I found myself wandering around the kitchen, opening the freezer, fridge and cabinets just looking for something to nosh on.   I don’t think I was hungry I was…I don’t know…something. But I had the peanut butter. I’m annoyed at myself but I’m back at it today. I’ve had my cheerios , blueberries and milk. My lunch—salad with 3oz of tuna is ready for me. Dinner will be salmon, left over quinoa (I swear that stuff explodes)...