Less of April...

When we saw our heroine (me), she was contemplating telling TG that their time in the sun at set… let’s catch up. So I knew that I had a really hard time letting go of him. Let us be clear, not him letting go of me. That I knew was not a problem. That somehow made it even sadder. This is the email that I sent him on September 21st, 2010. So what was the reason for the email? This is so stupid but here goes. I was driving home and we were talking, and he mentioned that I had told him that I wanted to talk to him. Which I had. But when he pushed and wanted to know why I wanted to talk to him and I couldn’t bring myself to say. I told him that I really wanted to see him to talk to him. I then told him I was approaching his exit and could stop of to see him then. He then started to make excuses about not really having time or being busy. And it got sort of ugly. Not bad ugly just not cool. I hung up on him and he called back etc. The next day I sent him this email. I don’t like...

Coming back from Shrinker man always makes me think. I imagine that that is a good thing. Meh… This weekend I saw TG (that guy) and I told him what I had been thinking. Our time in the sun has set. (Ha! TV reference who can name it?) Anyway, his first inclination was to ask me, you found someone else? To which I answered truthfully, no. He then asked me why. I tried to explain to him, I just feel second best, and that what we have isn’t good enough. And frankly I’m a little fuzzy about what happened next. Other than we had sex… which entre nous wasn’t what it used to be. I mean it was better than a traffic jam, while having to go to the bathroom and definitely better than the best day at work, but it wasn’t as exciting, wet or juicy as it has been in the past. (Too much? Sor-ry) Here is my problem. I love him. Or at least I used to love him. But it, he, is just not good enough. (Shrugs) He is still beautiful to look at. He still smells good. I still love his body. Etc E...

Talking about my blog with my group made me feel a little bit like I should be trying to get better at it. I was asked why I hadn’t posted, and I said that I really hadn’t had a whole lot to say. Which is true. That’s the thing about my “writing”. I can only do it when I have something to say. I can’t make myself do it –this is why writing classes scare me. What happens if I don’t feel like it? My group sometimes intimidates me. People seem to be pretty successful and smart. One of the people in my group is an attorney and I’ll admit, I googled. The work he’s done is very impressive. Exactly the type of work I would do. Work that helps. As opposed to work that takes. I’ve discovered that my natural instinct, when I hear about the things that people do, is to feel badly about what I don’t do. Or haven’t done. I’m not one of those people who derive inspiration from the accomplishment of others. I just feel shitty about me. And frankly, it makes me want to sleep. Here is the ...

I know I’ve been away for a while. Not that it matters. I have been thinking about coming on back, but just haven’t done it. Why not? Same usual reasons I suppose. Not much to say being one. Laziness being another. Anyway, here is the news of the day. I've gone and done it. The thing I wanted NOT to do... I've gone and told people about this little experiment. I'm not sure how it happened; only that it did. I hoping they didn't really catch or get the name of it, but of course they did. Today was group therapy, something I actually enjoy...however I'd much rather listen to the other people in my group talk about what's ailing them--as opposed to talk about what's ailing me. But I knew it. I even told my friend, Shrinker man is going to pick on me tonight for sure. And was I right? Uh huh...April on stage. And it wasn't bad, except somehow I said something that one of my co groupies (ha!) found "pithy" and I think something was said about writin...

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back. Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl. Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back. Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl (Break it down now) Disease's growing, it's epidemic. I'm scared that there ain't a cure. The world believes it and I'm going crazy. I cannot take any more. I'm so glad that I'll never fit in. That will never be me. Outcasts and girls with ambition. That's what I wanna see. Disasters all around, world despaired. Their only concern is ‘Will they fuck up my hair' ? –Pink, Stupid Girls Have you ever felt stupid? I feel stu-pid! I’ve done things that I should and haven’t done things that I should. By now I should have been more in control of my life. I’m not. Few weeks ago I got my credit report. Can you say appalling? The apt that I thought I could get this summer? Forget it. I am stuck here for another...

The Greening of Haiti: L'Union Fait La Force? The solution, in theory, is simple. Reforest Haiti. However, anyone who is seriously considering taking on a problem as vast as this one is needs to ask themselves several questions. Can Haiti be reforested? If so how? If not, why not? Is it possible that Haiti, the poorest country in the western hemisphere, can become an example of an environmentally sustainable country? Becoming environmental sustainable is the process of making sure current processes of interaction with the environment are pursued with the idea of keeping the environment as naturally pristine as possible. Can Haiti be “green”? How would that be possible? Where would one have to start? What would the Haitian Government’s involvement be? Can the greening of Haiti be done at the grassroots level? Greening is the practice of restoration, vitality and rejuvenation. By “greening” and “environmentally sustainable”, one needs to consider several things. It is not enough to r...

Haiti’s Sad Story Haiti’s ecological situation is grave. Approximately 70% of Haiti is mountainous. This usually translates into the soil being hard to hold in place. Furthermore and even more detrimental, for every one tree that is planted, there are at least six more chopped down. At the beginning of the century, 60% of Haiti was covered with trees. As of today, a mere 2% of Haiti has trees. Haiti has been victim to uncontrolled logging and the conversion of forests into farmland. This has resulted into what can only be described as an epic environmental nightmare. The major source of energy for many Haitians is wood, in the form of charcoal. Charcoal is accessible, easy to use and most importantly—inexpensive. For many of Haiti’s poor there is no alternative fuel source, therefore the deforestation goes on, causing an endless cycle of environmental pressures. Pressures that Haiti, a country that is already steeped in political and economical hardships, can hardly afford to...