Less of April...

Coming back from Shrinker man always makes me think. I imagine that that is a good thing. Meh… This weekend I saw TG (that guy) and I told him what I had been thinking. Our time in the sun has set. (Ha! TV reference who can name it?) Anyway, his first inclination was to ask me, you found someone else? To which I answered truthfully, no. He then asked me why. I tried to explain to him, I just feel second best, and that what we have isn’t good enough. And frankly I’m a little fuzzy about what happened next. Other than we had sex… which entre nous wasn’t what it used to be. I mean it was better than a traffic jam, while having to go to the bathroom and definitely better than the best day at work, but it wasn’t as exciting, wet or juicy as it has been in the past. (Too much? Sor-ry) Here is my problem. I love him. Or at least I used to love him. But it, he, is just not good enough. (Shrugs) He is still beautiful to look at. He still smells good. I still love his body. Etc E...

Talking about my blog with my group made me feel a little bit like I should be trying to get better at it. I was asked why I hadn’t posted, and I said that I really hadn’t had a whole lot to say. Which is true. That’s the thing about my “writing”. I can only do it when I have something to say. I can’t make myself do it –this is why writing classes scare me. What happens if I don’t feel like it? My group sometimes intimidates me. People seem to be pretty successful and smart. One of the people in my group is an attorney and I’ll admit, I googled. The work he’s done is very impressive. Exactly the type of work I would do. Work that helps. As opposed to work that takes. I’ve discovered that my natural instinct, when I hear about the things that people do, is to feel badly about what I don’t do. Or haven’t done. I’m not one of those people who derive inspiration from the accomplishment of others. I just feel shitty about me. And frankly, it makes me want to sleep. Here is the ...

I know I’ve been away for a while. Not that it matters. I have been thinking about coming on back, but just haven’t done it. Why not? Same usual reasons I suppose. Not much to say being one. Laziness being another. Anyway, here is the news of the day. I've gone and done it. The thing I wanted NOT to do... I've gone and told people about this little experiment. I'm not sure how it happened; only that it did. I hoping they didn't really catch or get the name of it, but of course they did. Today was group therapy, something I actually enjoy...however I'd much rather listen to the other people in my group talk about what's ailing them--as opposed to talk about what's ailing me. But I knew it. I even told my friend, Shrinker man is going to pick on me tonight for sure. And was I right? Uh huh...April on stage. And it wasn't bad, except somehow I said something that one of my co groupies (ha!) found "pithy" and I think something was said about writin...

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back. Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl. Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back. Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl (Break it down now) Disease's growing, it's epidemic. I'm scared that there ain't a cure. The world believes it and I'm going crazy. I cannot take any more. I'm so glad that I'll never fit in. That will never be me. Outcasts and girls with ambition. That's what I wanna see. Disasters all around, world despaired. Their only concern is ‘Will they fuck up my hair' ? –Pink, Stupid Girls Have you ever felt stupid? I feel stu-pid! I’ve done things that I should and haven’t done things that I should. By now I should have been more in control of my life. I’m not. Few weeks ago I got my credit report. Can you say appalling? The apt that I thought I could get this summer? Forget it. I am stuck here for another...

The Greening of Haiti: L'Union Fait La Force? The solution, in theory, is simple. Reforest Haiti. However, anyone who is seriously considering taking on a problem as vast as this one is needs to ask themselves several questions. Can Haiti be reforested? If so how? If not, why not? Is it possible that Haiti, the poorest country in the western hemisphere, can become an example of an environmentally sustainable country? Becoming environmental sustainable is the process of making sure current processes of interaction with the environment are pursued with the idea of keeping the environment as naturally pristine as possible. Can Haiti be “green”? How would that be possible? Where would one have to start? What would the Haitian Government’s involvement be? Can the greening of Haiti be done at the grassroots level? Greening is the practice of restoration, vitality and rejuvenation. By “greening” and “environmentally sustainable”, one needs to consider several things. It is not enough to r...

Haiti’s Sad Story Haiti’s ecological situation is grave. Approximately 70% of Haiti is mountainous. This usually translates into the soil being hard to hold in place. Furthermore and even more detrimental, for every one tree that is planted, there are at least six more chopped down. At the beginning of the century, 60% of Haiti was covered with trees. As of today, a mere 2% of Haiti has trees. Haiti has been victim to uncontrolled logging and the conversion of forests into farmland. This has resulted into what can only be described as an epic environmental nightmare. The major source of energy for many Haitians is wood, in the form of charcoal. Charcoal is accessible, easy to use and most importantly—inexpensive. For many of Haiti’s poor there is no alternative fuel source, therefore the deforestation goes on, causing an endless cycle of environmental pressures. Pressures that Haiti, a country that is already steeped in political and economical hardships, can hardly afford to...

I had my first session of group therapy last night… It was fine. The people in the group all seem really smart and so interesting! Makes we wonder why the Shrink thinks I would be a good addition to this particular group. There was someone in the group who was feeling guilty about complaining about their life, when there are so many people who are truly suffering in this world. This really stood out to me, reason being that I often hear the same tape in my head. ‘You have no reason to be unhappy’. You’ve been blessed, etc. Hearing someone else say it made me realize that each us is allowed to be unhappy. While it’s not cool to wallow in the misery, you are entitled to feel what you feel. Hmmm… saying that to this person was easier than applying it myself. Well played Shrink…