Less of April...

Money makes the world go around. The world go around. The world go around. Money makes the world go around. It makes the world go 'round. A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound.A buck or a pound. A buck or a pound.Is all that makes the world go around, That clinking clanking sound. Can make the world go 'round. (Lyrics from the movie/play Cabaret) I need money and I need it badly. I’ve never been good with money, not to blame my parents, but they were never good with money either. So I didn’t have a good model to follow. However, at this point in my life, I need to ante up and just figure out what my problem is and what I need to do to make it better. Admitting that you have a problem is important right? So here I am admitting it. But what does one do, when one needs to get better at something. How do I fix this? A few weeks I go I was overdrawn in my account by over 500 dollars. I actually considered doing one of those payday loans. I didn’t do it, sucked it up and...

It’s been a long time. And the truth is that just haven’t had the energy. I absolutely loathe myself. I am huge. It is beyond me how I could allow myself to get to this point. I knew that I was fat. I mean I’ve BEEN fat. But lately I feel like I am really looking like a fat person, like that kind of fat person that people really look at. And God help me. My feet hurt. I have aches and pains like my body is too big to support its self. I got on the scale tonight. On my scale I weigh 280lbs. What do I do with myself? How can I fix this problem? And it is a problem. Why do I insist on stuffing my face so? I do it all the time. All. The time. Many times I eat till I am sick to my stomach. A few months ago my mother came to me and said that she was having a party for her 60 th birthday, I was full and I mean FULL of the dread. I didn’t want to go. I love my mom, but I didn’t want to sit on a plane (in seat that barely holds my fat ass and sucking in my bre...

“You think that I’d learn the cost of love. Paid that price long enough. But still I drive myself right through the pain. Yeah, well it turns out, I haven’t learned a thing. Sometimes I think I’m better off. To turn out the lights and close up shop. And give up the longing, believing in belonging. Just hold down my head and take the loss. You’d think that I’d learn my lesson by now. You’d think that I’d somehow figure out. That if you strike the match. You’re bound to feel the flame.”– Daughtry So once upon a time, I feel in love with a bad boy. He actually wasn’t “bad” at all. The roughness that was on the outside was for show, to hide the soft side that I knew was there. He was hard on the outside and so soft, so I thought, on the inside. When he looked at me, I got weak. When he kissed me, I literally lost my breath. He made my head spin, my heart skip beats. Despite our differences, and there were many, I knew. I mean I knew with out a doubt in my mind, that this beautiful man [...

I'm here. Not much to say more off the same... I will post this weekend.

I'm late with this...but I looked it over and thought I would post anyway. In case you were wondering. Food is not good. Not at all. Anyway... read away! 70’s icon Farrah Fawcett died after a long and difficult battle with cancer. Music icon Michael Jackson died after a long a difficult battle with life. It’s sad isn’t it? Farrah had friends and family who loved her and watched her suffer. They are no doubt going through a very difficult time. She was a mom, a daughter, a best friend and a life partner. She was beautiful and talented and seemed to epitomize this one period of time. When you think back to the 70’s Charlie's Angels is one of the things that you remember. Charlie’s Angles, Saturday Night Fever , Disco, and the beginning of the fitness craze. Farrah Fawcett had that hair and that amazing smile, she also had atomic nipples… (Which I never noticed until she died and people kept pointing it out) Michael Jackson. What can one say about Mike? Ico...

Looking Good! I know that I am dating myself, but when I was a kid, there was this show Chico and The Man [Chico was portrayed by Freddie Prinze , whose son is Freddie Prinze, Jr .] I don’t remember a whole lot of that show, I was two when it started and six when it went of the air, but what I do remember, besides the fact that it took place in a garage and the Chico lived in a Van in that Garage, especially was the catch phrase. “Looking Goooood!” I saw this woman today on the subway and she was really Looking Goooood! Really pretty wrap-around dress, Dolce & Gabbana tote, Gucci accessories in said tote, [yeah I peeked] Louis Vuitton sunglasses perched on her head and tasteful diamond studs in her ears. [ I pratically have a fetish for sun glasses] She was wearing Fit Flops but you know that she had the right shoes some where in her tote, or under her desk. You can tell that she had been away recently; maybe today was her first day back, as she had a great tan. I wonder if ...

My mind is scattered today so this will most likely be all over the place as well… Yesterday was Epic Fail. I didn't go to WW. I didn't do anything social yesterday. And it was a beautiful day. I ate sausage and ice cream and loafed around. I didn't even scrapbook. Totally wasted my day. I saw my “friend” last night. He choose the most awkward time to tell me he loved me. In my head I was like oh god why are you ruining this for me? But I just smiled my sexy smile and kissed him. But he loves me? He doesn’t. We are so not meant to be. He’s older. Has kids, one of whom is a little bitch, and doesn’t want more. I can’t say that I blame him. Also frankly, I think that he might be a little bit, well, gay. And don’t get me wrong. I loooooove the gays. I am a hag from way back. [My motto is that every straight girl needs a gay boyfriend] But I like my gays out and proud. Not closeted and having sex with me. Sorry. I’m funny like that. So April, if you think ...