Less of April...

July 31, 2009 The other day I went to an informational session on bariatric surgery. First off, there is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that is sadder than a room full of fatties looking for THE ANSWER. People are fat. I watched as people struggled to wedge themselves into seats. Several of the attendees where visibly uncomfortable and clearly had issues breathing. Young looking people with canes, I heard some one talking about having numbness in their legs and feet. And superficially, I just was struck with how bad people looked. I do my best to look good every single day. Make up—done! Hair—done! Clothes—cute (and more importantly clean and pressed—there is nothing NOTHING worse than a fatty with food stains on their clothing. It is almost as if when you get to a certain size, you just stop caring. I hope to God that I NEVER get like that. I wish desperately that I wasn’t considering this. But I am. Whatever zest I ever had for weight loss has zoomed ...

Random Hair thoughts: I am obsessed with my hair. My hair is curly. If you follow curly hair it’s type 3c. If you are a person who has grown up with hair issues, you will feel my pain. My hair has been: Dried Fried Dyed Parted to the side and then some. Basically it has been a hot mess. I’ve done so many things to my hair that I should not have and am currently suffering for it. I did the BC last month and am working on growing it out.

Not than any one is paying attention. That was not the point of this exercise.  But I feel like such the looser. No blogging. No journaling. No WW-ing. No nothing. Just me. Eating. Why? I honestly think that I'm hungry. I mean I feel like eating so that's what I've been doing.  Eating. Eating anything. Everything. All the time. I think about food often. Sigh.   I took some time alone the other day and wrote down some thoughts... which I would share, if I weren’t such a disorganized mess. Basically, I'm thinking of getting lap band surgery. I feel as though I am at an impasse. I want o loose weight but I can't seem to get it together long enough to make it happen.  I have an appointment at a LBS clinic this coming week and I am going to go.  I've made this appointment in the past and have bailed out.   This time, promising my self that I am going to go and at least hear what they have to say.  I don't HAVE to DO anything. I just have to listen.   I di...

Super quick entry:  Being on track while at work is much easier than trying to stay on program while sitting at home.  Day 4

Less of April is a blog about me. I am on a quest to make some major life changes. The main one is getting rid of some serious weight. Why blog about it?  First, I love writing venting long letters. Sometimes I send them sometime I don’t. (Trick I learned from my former shrinkette) Second, I think I am a frustrated writer. Good enough to put a decent sentence and idea together, but not good enough for anyone to care! I am tres doubtful that anyone will read my little blog, and this makes me feel really safe. If by chance someone does read this, maybe my experience will help him or her or theirs help me. I am going to start a list. I have a whole lot of work to do on myself. I don’t know about anyone else, but I live by my “To Do” list. So here goes. And the first thing, on what is sure to quite the lengthy list ,is: 1. Loose weight. More to follow!

May 25, 2009 Memorial Day! Well here is the deal about yesterday.   While I will not say it was a total success, I also will not say it was an epic fail.   I think that it was not in my best interest, to go to a BBQ on my first day on program.    (Duh)   But yesterday is done. This morning I ended up running around so I didn’t get a chance to eat a breakfast-y breakfast. But I did make myself a pretty good brunch.    “Breakfast” Ice coffee (with skim milk and 2 Splenda) Brunch: Turkey burger Large whole grain pita Chopped avocado Teaspoon of Dijon mustard Teaspoon of Ketchup Romaine lettuce Not sure what the deal is with dinner yet.   Hello! This it exactly what I was talking about. The planning is what kills me.   I need to plan, plan, plan.  Day: 2/2

May 24, 2009 Today is my first full day on Weight Watchers.   And of course today I have a BBQ.   What to do? What to do?   I’m really not sure.   I almost feel like I am already failing for the day.   I haven’t planned at all. And that is key. You can’t eat well on the fly.   Fuck me. This is not how I wanted to do this. Note to self. Go shopping April.   Get food that will work.    And plan plan plan.             The thing is that I have to make it work.   First thing is to have a substantial breakfast.   Go get coffee.   And take it from there.   Maybe I should take some carrots for the road so that when I get there I’m not like a vacuum cleaner with the food.    Day: 1 of 1