Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
May 25, 2009 Memorial Day!
Well here is the deal about yesterday. While I will not say it was a total success, I also will not say it was an epic fail. I think that it was not in my best interest, to go to a BBQ on my first day on program. (Duh) But yesterday is done.
This morning I ended up running around so I didn’t get a chance to eat a breakfast-y breakfast. But I did make myself a pretty good brunch.
Ice coffee (with skim milk and 2 Splenda)
Large whole grain pita
Teaspoon of Dijon mustard
Teaspoon of Ketchup
Not sure what the deal is with dinner yet. Hello! This it exactly what I was talking about. The planning is what kills me. I need to plan, plan, plan.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
May 24, 2009
Today is my first full day on Weight Watchers. And of course today I have a BBQ. What to do? What to do? I’m really not sure. I almost feel like I am already failing for the day. I haven’t planned at all. And that is key. You can’t eat well on the fly.
Fuck me. This is not how I wanted to do this.
Note to self. Go shopping April. Get food that will work. And plan plan plan.
The thing is that I have to make it work. First thing is to have a substantial breakfast. Go get coffee. And take it from there. Maybe I should take some carrots for the road so that when I get there I’m not like a vacuum cleaner with the food.
Day: 1 of 1
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Saturday May 23, 2009
I have decided to go on a quest and change my life. I am blogging to document that journey.
I am going to do whatever it is I need to become a better, healthier, smarter and hopfully, happier April. My main reason for blogging and tweeting about it is to chart my path. Maybe people will read me maybe they won’t. It honestly doesn’t matter. I am doing this for me. I may keep it up and I may not. However, today as I write this the hope is that I will blog about my journey of self-discovery and change, about once a week, perhaps more if I am so inspired.
I decided to go back to weight watchers. Back to weight watchers. Back. To. Weight. Watchers. I have been there and here before. I have been successful once. That is I was dedicated and on program for over a year and lost a significant amount of weight. I looked great. I felt amazing. I was sexy honey. Not at all thin, but just looking so much better. The whole thing, people were noticing and complimenting. I was gushing about myself. And then…
I gained it all back. It happens so fast. Event thought I knew it was happening; it seemed as though before I knew it, I had fallen off the wagon and gained it all back. Epic Epic fail. But this hardly a new story. We all know of people who have done the same thing. Everyone says, oh not me. I’ve worked so hard to loose 20, 40, and 60, 150 lbs. I won’t let myself gain it all back. Yet many, excuse me, most do.
My reality is that I am a food-addicted person. I eat when I am hungry. I eat when I a not. I eat to cope. I eat to soothe my soul. I eat to celebrate. I eat to morn. I eat to entertain. I eat to stave of the sometimes-agonizing loneliness and depression I have grappled with for what seems like my entire life. I eat. I eat and I eat.
I don’t remember a time when I didn’t struggle with food. I have always struggled with food. Always. I was chubby baby and child. I was a fat teenager who grew into an obese adult. Here is my other reality. I am obese. I think the first time my, beautiful thin Mother, took me to WW was when I was 10 or so. It’s been an uphill battle ever since.
I wish that it did something to me to say that. But facts is facts. It happened slowly but it happened. I could live with it. I could just say hey this is me, like or go fuck yourself. I know that has been the image of myself that I have tried to project. I think that I have had varying degrees of success with that.
The life that I have been leading is not the life that I had imagined for myself.
Not even a little bit. And I’m going to change it.